elgin quick lube

yesterday, i walked into elgin quick lube wearing a t-shirt that read, "I LOVE TUKS." the following is the conversation that ensued between me and my mechanic, bubba.

ash: hey, i'm here to pick up ward's car. dad said he'll come by after work and pay.
bubba: wuss a tuk?
a: it's a university in south africa. i spent a summer there.
b: oh. so it ain't a thang?
a: no, it's a school.
b: so you all done with college and stuff now?
a: yes, i graduated in may, and i'm looking for a job right now.
b: wait... i thought you was the one who was valedictorian.
a: no.
b: so that was your brother.
a: no.
b: well, i know sum-body was valedictorian.
a: yes, i'm sure someone was.
b: oh, i know. it was the huggins girl.
a: i think you're right - alyssa.
b: yeah. the huggins girl. i knew it was one of them principal's kids.
a: um, so can i get the key to the car now?
(he hands me the key.)
b: hey, let me tell you sum-thin about the real world...
a: thanks for fixing the car.
(i start walking out the door.)
b: the real world sucks.

the improper spellings of some words are an attempt to capture bubba's southern accent. however, no written account could ever quite do this story justice.